Pyon Hell
by premonitioner
Summary: If that thing pyon'ed one more time...WARNING. NOT AN ICHIRUKI FIC. ICHICHAPI FIC.


**HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANNY, YOU MESS. –grin- A little change from 'Aware' and a birthday request from my good friend and rare reviewer Shanny. The freak wanted a Chappy/Ichigo fic. Even if it is so totally canon, I have to put it in IchiRuki because Chappy isn't important enough to get a naming on FFN. –shuns- So, sorry to all you Ichiruki fans who want to kill me after reading this. I'M ONE OF YOU, I SWEAR! –hides- **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, Chappy would be the mascot. Not Kon. As much as I love him.

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Ichigo was in hell. First, he had to deal with _not_ going out to kick Hollow ass. No. He had to stay at home and make sure his father didn't spike the punch that he was making for their New Years party. Second – he had to deal with his father. That itself was enough to make one want to kill themselves. And thirdly – Rukia just _had_ to put that god damned FREAK into her gigai, didn't she?

There it was, 'pyon'ing away at his sisters and being a general health hazard. Kon was going mad upstairs, in Ichigo's room. Apparently, Chappy was his arch-rival. Like Ichigo could believe _that_.

"ICHIGO!"

Ichigo winced as his father boomed heartily at him.

"What is it, old man?"

"I found some mistletoe, should I hang it where you could catch dear Rukia-chan under-" Ichigo didn't allow his father to finish that sentence, and calmly kicked him into the wall. With the same demeanour, he put the fruit punch away and left his father sobbing to the eight foot portrait of his mother.

"Ichi-pyon!"

Ichigo had to dodge the oncoming assault from the psychotic Soul Candy more commonly known as Chappy, and he stared down at the pile of limbs that was Rukia's body. God. Why did she like a thing that was constantly trying to kill him?

"That was mean, pyon," it moaned as it picked itself up from the floor.

"Good. You deserve it."

Two minutes later, he was nursing a bleeding nose as he stumbled to his room, attempting to find Kon so he could flee the stupid rabbit and go hunt down Rukia and kick her ass for setting that _thing_ upon him. It just had to kick him in the face, didn't it?!

Just as Ichigo managed to pull Kon from his hiding place (under his bed, in that particularly hard corner to reach), the psycho came in and grinned at him in a way that could only be described as the way a serial killer looks at his next victim.

"What are you doing, pyon?"

Lie, Ichigo, liiiieeeeee! Lie if you value your Quincy Pride! Wait. That sounded wrong. Oh yeah. Lie if you value your Manly Pride!

Quickly clamping a hand over Kon's mouth and hiding him behind his back, Ichigo smiled queasily up at Chappy, who looked very much like an evil Dictator. Hitler 2, perhaps?

"I was looking for Kon for my…uh…sister…yeah, she likes dressing him up…"

Ichigo couldn't lie to save his life. Good thing he can fight then, isn't it?

Chappy looked at him sceptically. "I highly doubt that, pyon. Rukia-sama ordered me to restrain you if I caught you doing anything suspicious."

Ichigo gulped. Yeah. He was in shit now.

-

Isshin looked at the ceiling of the kitchen, which happened to be below Ichigo's room. Karin joined him in looking heavenwards, blinking and jumping slightly at the thuds and bangs that were coming from her brother's room.

"What the hell is Ichi-nii doing?" she ignoring her father as his face lit up. Then it became hard to ignore him as he grabbed her and her unsuspecting twin sister, hugging them both with tears streaming down his face.

"Get off me, old man!" Karin hissed, as Isshin started wailing about how his boy was all grown up, and with his Third Daughter. Yuzu joined in with her father, and Karin ended up just hanging limply over her fathers shoulder, wondering if she and Ichigo were adopted.

-

Rukia stared in disbelief at the scene before her. In fact, by the second, she wanted to wake up and find it was all a horrible dream. A nightmare. Her worst. Including that one in which she was chased around by pink flowers for all eternity.

There was only one way she would deal with this.

Hopping off the window ledge, she jumped over the bed and examined the mess. Yes, if she put her foot there, it would work.

Taking her foot back, she kicked the pile of limbs that was Ichigo and her gigai as hard as she could, and funnily enough – it separated them.

"Fool! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she screamed at Ichigo, who was wiping his mouth in disgust. He spat into his conveniently placed bin, twitching and convulsing randomly. He looked up at Rukia.

"Well, she was getting annoying, and I was trying to get the Soul Candy out of her, and then it started putting up a struggle…"

Rukia twitched.

"Why that method?"

Ichigo looked up at Rukia in surprise.

"But…Kon told me the only way to get a Soul Candy out of a gigai was to kiss it."

Rukia twitched again.

"FOOL!"

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**Well. Not exactly how I planned it. –scratches head- It's good enough for you, Shanny. **


End file.
